INSIDE MY MIND WITH ZIL

Ask people “what is life all about?”, and you get so many different answers – it is about finding your purpose, being a good human being, fulfilling your dreams or simply living. Personally, I feel life is all about experiencing both – the good and bad, learning your lessons and evolving.

But here, I want to focus on one particular answer – life is relationships. Yes. We have relationships. Not only with people around us but also with things. My pen, my house, my car, my clothes – don’t we all do that? So logically, if our relationships became better, our life would become happier.

So, to be happy, we need to have our relationships in order. How do we do that?

Let us divide the genders – Men and Women and understand how they are different and what their needs are. This will help us to understand the people around us better.

Men – In their minds, men have compartments for everything, and no two compartments are touching each other. So, if they are thinking about sports, only that compartment is open. Rest is tucked away safely. Therefore, they look confused when women bring up random stuff and you hear – “where did that even come from?”.

When they are upset, they need some time to think alone – that is when flipping the TV channels without actually seeing anything comes in. Women; do not disturb them. Give them their alone time to run their thoughts through. When they are ready, they will tell you everything. Hold your horses!

When a man shares his problem, he is looking for a solution. So, when two men talk, they actually come to a workable conclusion. And more often than not, you can hear them conclude that “yes, this seems feasible. Let us try this tomorrow at 6 pm.” You can see the specifics in their conclusions.

Women – Women have kind of web in their minds. One thing always connects to ten different things. Let’s say if she is talking about laundry, suddenly she can jump up to that dress she liked but did not buy and then speaking of buying, oh we need to buy a gift for your parents anniversary. (To men it can feel like absolute random blabbering.)

When a woman is upset, she needs you to listen. She wants you to feel her pain. When she tells you that her colleague said something nasty to her, she needs you to be like “Oh my god! that’s so bad of her to say that to you.” (you can say she kind of needs your approval that it is indeed bad!)

When a woman shares her problem, she is NOT looking for a solution. She already has some sort of solution in the back of her mind. All she is looking for is you to listen patiently! So, listen her out. Make sure she knows that you are actually listening and not just hearing. And don’t offer a solution unless she asks for it! This is also why women are known for gossiping!

Now let us talk about what each of them are generally looking for. What is that they want from you. Below I am going to post short bullets in the order of importance:

His needs:

1. Caring – show him you care
2. Understanding – try to understand why he is doing what he is doing
3. Respect – respect him inside out
4. Devotion – make him your priority
5. Validation – compliment him for things he does
6. Reassurance – reassure that he is right, and you are there for him

Remember, guys think that they are in charge of taking care of the family needs – monetary and physically. So, tell him what a fabulous job he is doing. Tell him often!

Her needs:

1. Trust – you have to trust her absolutely and completely
2. Acceptance – accept her as she is
3. Appreciation – small genuine compliments can go a long way
4. Admiration –  admire her in front of your family and friends
5. Approval – approve what she does or says (sometimes even if it sounds super crazy)
6. Encouragement – encourage her to be a better version of herself every day!

Remember, women need you to approve of her the way she wants (she sure has something in her mind). Do that. Show her how much you adore her!

So, these are simple few things how you can improve your relationships. They can apply to your relationship with your spouses, mom dad or your siblings, friends or at work.

Let me know in the comments below what do you think of this and if you have any other suggestions!

Live a happy life!

PS: I know this post might sound more like an instruction manual. But I really wanted to spread what I have learned through the Oneness University sessions in the hopes of making a positive impact in your lives.